More worsts coming your way

I think one of the worst dates I’ve ever been on was in high school with a guy named Mitch. He was an upperclassmen and we were in Art together. Did I mention he was an upperclassmen? And to a freshman thats like a golden ticket to awesomely praised among friends over night.
Mitch asked me to a school dance, but would I like to see a movie before hand? After checking with my parents I said yes and then couldn’t keep my glittery eyes off of him in art for the entire week prior to the dance.
The wonderful Friday comes and I must have tried on 8 outfits – none of them working. I don’t remember what I finally decided on but I was ready by the time he came to pick me up.
This is where the date goes so terribly wrong. The plan was to get some dinner, rent a movie and then go to the dance. His idea of dinner? A trip through the McDonald’s drive thru. It gets better.
He orders a 20 piece chicken nugget dinner with 2 super size fries and 2 cokes. Uh. First of all, why did you just order for me and since you did why didn’t you ask me first what I wanted and or how hungry I was?
We made it back to his parents house where I met his mom and dad and got red in the face because they could already tell the night was not going well. He then sets up TV dinner trays in front of the big screen tv in the basement and puts in the latest James Bond movie.
For crying out loud here people. I’m a 15 year old school girl. 3 years ago I was still playing with dolls and only one year ago did I finally kiss a boy on the lips. Dating was completely new to me, but if this was dating – count me out.
He counted out the nuggets and drew an invisible line in the carton for clarification. When I had 5 left he reminded me that those were mine and I should eat them. I told him I was full and he could have them if he wanted. The imaginary line quickly disappeared, as did the nuggets – and his breath.
I don’t know what part of the movie things went awry in the sending wrong messages department but at one point he leans over and tries to kiss me. A better illustration would be he leaned over but before he got to my face the vacuum started and my he got my hair in his mouth from all the suction instead of my cheek – or whatever he thought he was aiming for.
I went numb – how much worse could this night get? I still had to go to the dance with him!? He unsuccessfully tried to get me to make out with him and in the process of the vacuum mechanism he had he managed to mangle my neck while I was fighting him to stop it already.
He did get the picture and we finished the movie in an awkward silence which was followed by and equally awkward drive to the dance. He ended the night by giving me a birthday card. No I’m not kidding. My birthday was a good week away. And I have no idea how he knew.
But I decided to forgo his offer to bring me home as I arranged, very quickly, to be taken home by some friends. When I got home I told my parents what happened and asked them to give me a reason to tell him to get lost. They did. As did my brothers.
When Mitch called the next day my brother Jamie answered the phone and asked if this was the Hoover that wanted to talk to his little sister. Mitch must have said, uh … yeah I guess – and then my brother said, well you can’t.
Have I mentioned how cool my brothers are?

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