Weekend rambles

This has been a good spring weekend. This afternoon we took a 4 mile, round trip, bike ride (yes I rode my bike for 4 miles!!) to get the cobwebs off our wheels and, well, our butts too. I got some pretty amusing looks from cars when they noticed my sizable belly sticking out. But it felt awesome to ride. I’ve gotten to the emotionally uncomfortable part of pregnancy – where I can feel my face getting rounder and, call it being human, being a girl or being me, either way – it’s hard for me. And retaining water with the diabetes isn’t making it funner.
So the exercise did us all some good this afternoon.
We had our first fire of the year this weekend also – except, well … the lighter fluid did more than the wood did. We’ll have to get some dry, dead wood for our next fire – shouldn’t be a problem, but I absolutely love the smell of wood fire smoke on a sweatshirt and lingering in my hair when I go to bed. I always sleep better. It’s like the kiss of summer.
And – this year (in the land of Jessica, being 3) has had it’s ups and downs – the “terrible twos” were not terrible for us, we loved the twos – they were great. And three hasn’t been terrible either – it’s just getting more difficult to get a quiet moment or have a conversation that doesn’t start with “hey mom?” … which is fine, it’s just different – but being able to be outside has been FREAKING AWESOME. This kid loves the dirt – and we knew this last year – she played outside, but the difference is – she can play ALONE outside this year – she’s entertained by herself, loves to explore and stays close if she knows where we are. It’s amazing.
The ups and downs of this year come with the impending arrival of the baby brother – there’s no hiding that there’s a baby in my belly and absolutely every one who says hi to us asks Jessica about the baby in mom’s belly – is she ready to be a big sister? Whats the baby going to be? Whats his name? Are you going to be a big helper? Are you already a big helper? Are you a big girl? and on and on and on and the poor kid, bless her heart – just wants to be Jessica. She does not want to be the big sister all the time, does not want to be the shadow of the baby and, to be honest – neither do Aaron and I (for her). We’d love it if someone asked Jessica about something SHE’S interested in – like you know, the dirt. Or candy. Something other than the obvious of a baby coming.
And people are just being nice and making conversation – which is lovely, but forgetting that Jessica was here first, that she has her own, independent personality from this baby is starting to get on her nerves and mine. Thats where the ups and downs come. She just wants to be recognized for more than a helper to me or a big sister to this baby – although she’s looking forward to those roles – she isn’t in them yet and is just really struggling with how to communicate her feelings in this regard – and then we often have some blow ups and frustration.
All normal. All very normal. I am aware.
So…this is the rambling of a relaxed, exercised pregnant woman who has 4 weeks, 6 days and counting to go until D-day (and an ultrasound tomorrow!!).

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