Warning, I’m unleashing it – there is swearing.

Tonight I am doing something so powerful in my personal life that I cannot contain myself. In getting ready for the Wince and Wine night next week I’m reading through ALL of my old journals – and I mean, really reading through them. Every single entry – every line.
I am disgusted and saddened at the amount of time and energy I put into a boy in high school. So much so that I can tell in my handwriting when I was and wasn’t with him. I was a different person – I for some reason lost everything to be with a boy who seriously fucked with me. Lied, cheated and made me believe I was less than what I was – that I didn’t deserve the best, that he was the golden ticket to my happiness and the saddest part about all of this is that after a while I started to believe him. I lost my fight.
People, I don’t think you know how much this bothers me. Reading back on those days makes me raging with anger. I so wish I would have listened to EVERYONE else in my life at the time who were telling me to snap out of it. My own mother warned me. I was so blind.
I have never written about this before because I know that the high school boyfriend has, in the past, read this website. And for some reason I cared. I didn’t want to offend any one or bring up old issues. Well I’m here to say that I don’t give a living shit anymore.
I now have a daughter and if she ever goes through something like this, even remotely, I’m going tear the kid on the other end a new one. Don’t fuck with me. Do not fuck with my kid.
Internet – I’m shaking. This is so freeing I can’t put it into words. I will be burning those journals tonight. The past did happen and I regret a lot of it but it will no longer have a presence in my present or my future.
And it’s done. IT IS DONE!!!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *