Vulnerable

I was just introduced to another website that just breaks my heart with sorrow but also gives me so much hope in the fact that honesty and faith ring so fervently true in life today. In lives.
I have purposely shied away from writing about my faith on this website because part of me wants to reach a bigger audience, part of me dreams of having a successful website with readers all over the world – and the sad realization about that is that I’ve been wishing and dreaming of that without a presence or even thought of God here.
Why haven’t I seen this before? That without God my ambitions are shallow? I am a woman of faith, of deep rooted, heavily believing God fearing faith and I live in a country where I can shout this from my rooftop without persecution – so why don’t I?
I am so scared. So shallow, so proud. I want everyone to like me, even if they don’t know me and more so if they do. I want, I want, I want. I’m selfish and blind, too.
I am very aware of the bubble I live in, it’s something Aaron and I talk about and discuss often – it’s a crutch, a very shiny and comfortable crutch to stay comfortable. To stay stagnant.
It would be unnatural for me to start writing about my faith all the time but it’s also been unnatural for me to leave it out thus far. I wouldn’t dream of leaving Jessica out now that we have Oliver so just because I can’t see God or hear him audibly talk to me doesn’t mean He’s not there or Bigger than all of this any way.
I guess I just need to say it so that if all the world hears it or reads it, they’ll know. I am loved unconditionally, in a way I cannot fathom, by a Heavenly Father who has healed deeper wounds than my mind ever knew could exist in my heart. He is patient with me and gentle beyond my own words. He is the Great I Am. His love and mercies are new to us every morning and I fall at His feet in utter disbelief that He would ever consider me Holy, Worthy or Beautiful. The most amazing part? He does. 100% He does and I am forever indebted. I am a forever girl for Jesus.

4 thoughts on “Vulnerable

  1. this brought tears to my eyes, for many reasons, especially that last paragraph. tears in my eyes…mainly b/c i have such a hard time believing that some days.

  2. ok i should be more clear, i have a hard time believing that about me–not you! thanks for writing that jodi

  3. Thanks for the encouragement Tracy 🙂
    Jessie – no, not yet -still waiting for my girlfriend to tell me she’s ready … hopefully soon though!

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