You Know You’re Pregnant When…

**Originally posted on December 9, 2004

***Hey folks, I am not pregnant … just recycling posts.

You know you’re pregnant when:

– You’re in public and you lift your shirt up to expose your belly because you’re hot, very, very hot and it’s cool outside. It would only make sense that you would expose your belly.

– You use the public restroom so much in the hour you’re shopping you actually get to know the janitor who’s been cleaning the bathroom since you started frequenting it.

– You have to find alternative ways to “clean up” after going to the bathroom – nice way of saying “wiping” because there’s a mountain in the way and you’re arms don’t grow during pregnancy, only the belly.

– You check your shirt, inside out, every morning for leaks.

– You consistently wake up at 3:30 to pee. Then again at 4:30 and then again at 7:30 – by then you’re actually awake and in order not to disturb the still sleeping husband, you start to clean. In the morning. At 7:30. With the cleaning.

– You have no joint at which to bend from at the waist. There is no bending. At all.

– You giggle when you see your toes.

– You can’t find your belly button.

– Chewing ice cream is the best past time EVER!

– You fart. Period.

– You burp after being in the same room as something carbonated.

– You need assistance to get up from the sitting, laying, kneeling positions. I’m lying – you need assistance to get up period.

– Anything baby is worth giggling about, or crying about, or dreaming about.

– You find your old dolls you used to play house with and resume where you left off, with the playing of the house with the dolls … you might even “try on” the new outfits, just to make sure.

– You rock yourself to sleep every night in the rocking chair.

– Naptime is more important than the Internet. (I know, I know, I’m terrible)

– You feel free to speak your mind in any given situation. I mean why not, people feel free to give you unsolicited advice DAILY; you should be able to return the favor. Sometimes you’re even nice.

– You cry because your husband said hello. And didn’t you know that’s the magic word, EVERY SINGLE DAY – and he still says hello EVERY SINGLE DAY.

– You make 3 main dishes for dinner because at some point in the cooking process all 3 sounded SO good.

– Arby’s and Wendy’s should be paying YOU to drink their milkshakes.

– You drive all the way out to Grand Rapids for a drink from your favorite coffee house. (Yeah, you know you’re definitely pregnant then)

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