my life as I know it

This morning I’ve already changed 2 horrendous … must be gut issues … diapers. The house still smells. I can’t wash my hands enough.

We’ve gone to get coffee, the mail and made a ton of phone calls.

My daughter has decided it’s time to deliver tickets to the neighbors. “Tickets” are pieces of paper she makes and then hands out to people who she thinks should be invited to something grand she has planned. I’m never “in the know” on her details, but apparently it’s a lot of work and she’s ready for the task.

She has decided she would like to deliver them alone. She promises not to go across the road.

I’m not OK with this so I’ve convinced her we’ll have an adventure!! And I’ll chaperone her friendly deliveries.

I’ve enforced a no TV rule for the day and it’s working nicely so far. Although my son is getting into WAY more naughtiness than usual. He’s so curious. A little monkey, that one.

Words I’ve decided I say way too often are “Be Careful”, “Calm Down” and “NO!!” or “Stop it!! RIGHT NOW!!”.

I freaked out about being a horrible mother last night because my reservoir of patience has been running on empty and I don’t want to be that parent. The one I see in the mirror every morning. The one who, last week, had the happiest moments of her day when the children finally went down for naps.

Nope. Not interested in that kind of life. Not interested in that kind of parenting or relationship to depression.

I try really hard to keep people out because I’m safer that way. History has prepared me for these kinds of walls, these kinds of battles I fight daily to keep the barriers down, to let the people closest to me in.

This is my life, today, as I know it.

I am loved. Cared about. I’m am precious to a few and that’s what matters.

I am His.

4 thoughts on “my life as I know it

  1. I love you and think you are doing a fantastic job in the midst of what may seem to be chaos. You ARE loved friend.

  2. it’s sooo tough when our patience is low… that’s when it’s wonderful to be able to surrender to God and know we can only get through it with Him. You’re a great mum!

  3. “I freaked out about being a horrible mother last night because my reservoir of patience has been running on empty and I don’t want to be that parent. The one I see in the mirror every morning. The one who, last week, had the happiest moments of her day when the children finally went down for naps.”

    I had no idea that I subconsciously guest posted on your website 😉 … sounds like we had the same kind of week last week. Doesn’t it suck? By the end of the week I was absolutely shaken to the very core of my being, because of how very personal motherhood is to me. I was crying in church on Sunday morning as our pastor talked about brokenness and then invited people up to receive prayer and healing oil, singing “hungry I come to You for I know you satisfy; I am empty but I know your touch restores my life … broken, I run to you for Your arms are open wide; I am weary but I know Your touch restores my life.” This week I’m clinging to our God who is ALWAYS Faithful, praying over and over for His restoring touch on my life. I’ll be praying that for you, too, now.

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