revisiting the hotel situation

Last night my sister-in-law and her kids came over for a bit, love it when that happens, and she talked up hotel living and made me believe this is going to be so much fun.

Often times I think I’m failing as a mom if I sit down, read a book or just observe from afar as my kids busy themselves. Aren’t I supposed to be busy 24/7 also? If they’re running around the halls of a hotel is it really ok for me to sit at one end and read a book? Or in a stairwell … where ever.

Hi. My name is Jodi and I have expectation issues. Always have.

So along with this year being “fluid” I think I’ll also be working hard on making sure that my expectations don’t ruin things for my family. Often times it’s my attitude (or lack thereof) that can set the tone for the day and I just need to get out of my head and into my life. Reading books is a good thing! Sitting and enjoying their laughter is a good thing!

No longer do I have to talk up this trip as EXCITING! because I woke up this morning excited all on my own about spending two weeks in a new place with my favorite people. We’ll get to see new things, be creative in how we get school done, someone will make my bed for me every day and we’ll be released from “normal” for a few days to get on with the fun, lazy, exciting, new and adventurous.

Which also brings me to this: I have a difficult time allowing my friends to see me as a mother. At all. Ever. I so badly want to be relevant in their lives (whether or not they’re parents as well) that I’d rather just hide that part of me from them at all times. Which means that as my kids get older I retreat more and more because with their age comes more requirements in parenting from me. More of my time, more of my energy. Having a five (almost six) year old is worlds different than having a toddler. I didn’t know this until it happened to me and it’s like watching a butterfly escape from it’s cocoon.

But it’s sometimes so personal and so transformational that doing any of that in front of an audience, even the most caring of them, is painful.

{Disclaimer: this is not always the case, there are very wonderful moments where I stop guarding this part of me and let others in and then amazing things happen: I feel less alone in this part of my life, or I get ideas of how to better look at a situation, cope with troublesome events etc. It’s wonderful to let friends, family and girlfriends in at this juncture of my life but it’s really really hard for me.}

And that happened last night when I listened to my sister-in-law pump up hotels and how excited she would be. I let go of my anxieties and pictured myself engaging in a vacation from normal and I smiled. She’s convincing. And she’s right! It’s going to be so much fun.

3 thoughts on “revisiting the hotel situation

  1. Ha~ glad that helped. Let them run and watch lots of trashy TV and stick my nephew on the elliptical machine he will love it! Have fun!

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