Listening to water

I’m sitting here in the porch of the house we’re renting listening to all kinds of water. Water wooshing around our dishwasher (PEOPLE!! A DISHWASHER!), the laundry going downstairs and the rain pat the roof above my head as I tick tap my keyboard.

I’m making a symphony of silence right now and it’s honestly one of the most beautiful sounds I’ve ever heard.

watching the rain and waves

Thunder rolls every so often adding a cadence to the dance outside and I keep thinking “It’s not a race.” over and over and over again.

I recently read on another site about thoughts and mantra’s. For some reason today the one I cannot get out of my head is this:

It’s Not A Race.

A phrase I do not want to listen to lately. I’d like our life to be back on track RIGHT NOW. I want, I want, I want. I don’t want, I don’t want, I don’t want.

It’s tiring wrestling so feverishly with myself. If this, then that! When this, then here! PLAN! ACTION! LIST! DO! BUSY! GO! ACCOMPLISH! BIGGER! MORE!

The noise of all those rushing thoughts bring calamity to my house. My beautiful life.

Truth is a year ago we started down a road to freedom. Debt freedom, debt from a car and a house that was upside down on itself. Debt from medical bills. We didn’t (and don’t) have credit cards. We weren’t overspenders or underachievers … we just knew something had to change for our future to look differently. We needed a wakeup call.

Hello?? Last 12 months, trying to buy houses twice unsuccessfully? Paying off all our debt?

THE ALARM CLOCK ON THIS ADVENTURE HAS BEEN RINGING RELENTLESSLY FOR MONTHS.

Stay the course! It’s not a race! Stay the course! There are no detours this way!

Yet being reminded that somehow I’m not “there” yet stings. But where is it that I’m trying so hard to get? And why can’t I produce an easy answer for that one question I get asked ALL the time?

Aren’t you happy? I would be happy here! It’s a great place! A house! WOW! The room! Great space you have here!

Yet I hear “this isn’t what you planned on”, “this will do, in the mean time”, “what’s next?”, “what’s the plan?”, “where is it that you really want to land?”.

Basically? I’d like to land on my two feet. In steel-toe lace up rock star combat boots – having walked through the trenches of de-Americanizing my wallet and expectations.

It’s not a race.

It’s not a race.

Art Prize, Jessica

It’s being amazed that with an ounce of trust in the unknown … I’m not walking this one alone. (Some days crawling, mostly being pulled against my will.)

How do you guys get beyond your road blocks? Personal or otherwise? What continues to motivate you? A good read, a quote from your fortune cookie? What ignites your pilot light when everything teeters on blackout?

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