I generally need a good brain dump every once in a while to clear my head and get back on track. Welcome to my brain waves ………
I wasn’t kidding when I said I had to catch up on The Kardashians. I’m a closet fan. I don’t even know what it is. The big family? The fact that they’re not perfect and don’t care but some how work? Take away a couple million and you have your average family … I think? Either way, I kind of love them.
I’ve been surprised at my level of contentedness lately. I don’t ever think to look outside my norm for something new/exciting. And then it’ll dawn on me that google is literally right there, a street I’ve never been on is waiting and that the course of my today doesn’t have to be what yesterday left behind.
I’m kind of a Sarah Plain and Tall only I’m Jodi Plain and Shorter. Stepping it up isn’t hard, it’s just … not on my to-do list. Don’t get me wrong, I love feeling like I’m not looking horrible. I try to dress myself in something other than a “Mom” uniform every day but still – maybe I just need to go shopping. Yes, I need to go shopping. That’s settled.
I’m also a raving fan of shows like Bachelor, Bachelorette and the Bachelor Pad. Why? Because it’s a train wreck and it’s brainless and it’s entertainment.
I just finished the newest Nicholas Sparks book: A Safe Haven; and it was wonderful. I read it in 24 hours, could not put it down. Any other good books I need to know about? I need a new one. I love to read.
I made meat loaf for dinner tonight and took my wedding ring off to mix it all up – when I type I usually mess with my rings because I have 3 and they’re not fused together … so they fling around my finger. Except not now because they’re sitting on my window sill and it’s weird. Naked feeling. I don’t even take them off to sleep.
Today was our son’s first day of preschool. I didn’t cry, I did the whole thing by myself. We’ve never done that before – every first day for our daughter Aaron would take off work to go out to eat, bring her in and make it a whole deal with the entire family. Today was like any other morning full of carpool and rushed good byes. It was bittersweet that our life keeps moving so quickly when the moments we’ll never get back are so simple.
His first “full” day of preschool is on my birthday. That might be a little trickier. I’ll actually have to leave him there. He’ll be fine, he loves it. Me?? I need a book to read. Something to occupy my mind. For that one day. That first huge expanse of time that I’m not needed. It’s not sad at all, I love where growing up is bringing our family but it’s one of the lasts … and those are always nice to acknowledge if you know they’re coming.
So, I’ll be crying for a few hours alone this week.
I started going back to the gym this week after a few months off. Moving, summer … excuses. I stopped enjoying running into people there – the gym was a place for me to be ALONE. In my own thoughts, with my own loud music with swear words in the lyrics. I could watch whatever the hell I wanted on the treadmill screen. It was Me time. And then it became “meet up” time and I’m not good with that consuming my life. I need me time, alone, away. Like I don’t exist. Like I can disappear for a few hours. So I went back … and I was invisible. And it was glorious.
I bought boxed wine and apparently still don’t know the difference between Chardonnay and Merlot. I can only drink red re: blood sugar woes but bought white. Sad, sad day.
Your turn: I’m behind the curtain and won’t judge you – what do you need to confess today?