Type 1

This morning I had another appointment with my specialist; more blood drawn and more treatments and words and definitions thrown at me. For the past 6 months I’ve been fighting really hard to keep diabetes at bay. Having already been through Gestational Diabetes 4 years ago with my last pregnancy – I was always aware that I could later develop Type 2. But was told that I shouldn’t worry about it, it’s rare.

I didn’t stop monitoring my blood sugar and things never went back to normal. I was able to control my blood glucose and my A1C’s for a very long time, I even went on a very drastic diet (with medical supervision) to lose weight, as that can lead to diabetes as well – AND IT WORKED.

You guys, I did it all. I got lazy some times because I needed a break, yes. But I’ve been fighting and denying and trying really fucking hard to keep myself healthy.

But, actually? I’m Type 1 and from what I heard today, will need insulin for the rest of my life. My body has completely rejected my pancreas. I fucking hate that organ.

This isn’t a death sentence, I know. Although?? It could be, if we don’t get things under control – and no matter how hard I try or how much medication they put me on … it has been out of control for months now. I’m exhausted.

I feel angry and defeated and completely lied to. Except I think I’m the one who’s been lying lately. Afraid, scared.

And all of these things? They could go away completely when I inject myself tonight for the first time with insulin. And it could all be better and I wouldn’t have to worry anymore.

So, I’m ok. For all intents and purposes. I will survive – I’ll even thrive doing it. But it’s raw and fresh and finally has a name and I’m pissed off and scared and hurt.

12 thoughts on “Type 1

  1. Jodi, praying for you that this transition is a smooth one for you. As a daughter of basically a lifer Type 1 dad, I know what your days will consist of now and how it will affect your family. I was able to tell when my dad went into diabetic shock at 5 yrs old, and made him Orange Juice to get his sugars back up. My dad is the picture of health at 58 years old, it is just about managing. My mom is the queen of sugar free too, let me know if you want some dessert recipes. 🙂

  2. Sure, send em over! Thanks. But BAH!!!! I hate that – that at 5 you had to recognize medical emergencies in your dad, although – a blessing that you did, too. 2 sides to the coin, both are kind of sour.

  3. Living with insulin shots is a way of life for lots of people. Hopefully, before you get much older, they’ll have figured out a way to make dispensing it a lot more automatic and even perfect a way to restore proper operation without them at all. They’re making progress in that. Keep your chin up…

  4. Yep, this fucking sucks and you are allowed to be scared and mad! But I also know how strong you are and you won’t let that pancreas get you down. You will rock this.

  5. Jod, My mom has been type 1 since 8 or 9 and at the ripe old age of 59 she is probably healthier than most. Let’s talk soon!

  6. Hi
    I can really sympathize, because I have the same sort of problems with arthritis. I have it in both hands, both knees and my lower spine and I know there is no cure.
    What keeps me going, is thinking about the alternative. I am NOT going to end up in a wheelchair!

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