in the middle of it all

A few weeks ago I went to Nashville, TN for a conference, spent a week at home catching up, and then Aaron left for Austin, TX for a conference.

He’s still gone and although the single parent thing isn’t my favorite, the older our kids get the easier it is to entertain them and keep my sanity.

Being alone is something I’m trying to be good at. I put it on my list of things to accomplish in 2012. I love the idea of being alone, but I’ve always had a crutch to help me through it. A security blanket to the socialization of life … and quite literally, a blanket. Until I was 21. I’m growing out of my comfort zone, getting out of the boat and swimming.

So far – my solo week has looked pretty good:

Roasting.

My night just outdid itself.

I woke up next to put Beauty and the Beast. (Beast already running rampant for the day)

Sock puppet parade!

Rain or shine, it's Springtime!

I think I'd like to intern at a flower shop. #learnbotany #lifelist

Float.

I’ve mentioned in passing that I’m in therapy and I am – and we talk about a lot of things – this past week we went to some dangerous places for me and she asked me what I wanted: I answered … to be happy. To know that I’m happy. She thought for a minute and then said she didn’t like the word happy – that it’s a high and not a constant emotion to uphold. It’s something we experience, not something we are. Instead, she said, to hope for peace and with it, joy.

So I’ve been looking really hard lately for the peace and her sister joy. For the braided emotions who swing on the limbs of trees and sing cherry-note songs about the sunshine.

And today I felt it.

And I was happy.

Progress.

3 thoughts on “in the middle of it all

  1. Thinking of you as you continue to solo this week. The flowers are beautiful!

    As for those braided emotions…Peace and joy seem to come from searching within and believing, where happiness seems to hinge too much on others and expectations.

  2. I love that. Such a good reminder to set (or perhaps release) the expectations accordingly. Stop visualizing the “if this, then that” and start partaking in the currency of right now.

    xoxo

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