It’s going ok. I know how to keep my blood sugars in check but the hard part is? It’s a daily choice. Every time I put something in my mouth I’m deciding what an hour from now will look like on a little monitor blinking with my blood.
Needless to say I spend an inordinate amount of time on food. Thinking about it, preparing it, planning for it, shopping for it, eating it and saying no to it.
I’ve done plenty of self education in this area and I have a team of doctors ranging from Applied Kinesiologists to my Endocrinologist, Dermatologists, my OB and Family doctors. Vision specialist’s … the list goes on. Diabetes is a disease that can and will affect every area of my life.
It’s getting easier to answer probing questions that most people just think are part of a conversation, I’m getting used to caring for my body in front of other people. I bring food with me where ever I go, I have to. I always have almonds or dates with me, pistachios are a current favorite – because while keeping my blood sugar LOW is the key – I struggle most with dips below 60 during the day. So, my battle is to keep it UP. To keep it steady. My goal with everything I put in my mouth is to flatline my graph, which will, coincidentally, NOT flatline my life.
The things I’ve learned about myself with this disease, let’s just say there’s more to it than the numbers and the blood draws.
Part of keeping myself healthy is keeping my weight below a certain number but losing weight while constantly monitoring food is kind of a sick joke. It can be done, but the main ingredient to weight loss is fat (also insulin) which I shoot up my bloodstream in a steady pattern of always. It’s not impossible, it’s just harder. I can’t listen to what everyone else believes about how to lose weight and I can understand how being diabetic automatically puts us on a closer watch for an eating disorder.
I’m really new to this and still have so much to learn about treatments, my own bodies chemistry and how to ask the right questions.
But while I’m learning how to live my life, am I really living it?
This has been my challenge. The other-side of a diagnosis is to live your life the fullest you’re able. And I am very able. My vision hasn’t changed in 8 years, my feet heal from wounds, I am otherwise healthy, I have active kids, I like being active.
I often find myself coming up with excuses to not engage in living fully. I’ve crippled myself into thinking I can’t.
How impossible it seems to get to the other-side when I’ve spent my entire life convincing myself that the other side is no different, it doesn’t exist or is worse than the plaintive existence of right now.
This is my obstacle and I’m leaning in to it. I have really bad days where being crippled is the easiest way to escape the work of changing and I have other days, where it seems the path ahead of me was always laid down and all I have to do is take a step …