Just now I’m sitting here catching up and I can hear the smaller versions of myself and Aaron sitting on the porch chatting.
Earlier today as we were walking out of school the kids were ahead of me; she reached down and he took her hand. He lets her lead him places. To here and there, every where. Looking for the magic she can see. And her? she leads him towards the danger of being Big.
And just now I saw the gift of not forgetting. Of not being too busy to notice, not being so wrapped up in what my hands are doing that I miss how much theirs can do, too.
I spent my birthday a few weekends ago (September 15th) in Arizona visiting my brother and his family, with my mom. All of it was good but I woke up the morning of my birthday way before the sun. It probably had something to do with the margaritas from the night before and the bull-riding (watching bull-riding) and the intoxication of being part of my family, literally. Present with them. Experiencing life and making memories all these years later, as a family.
I went right to the porch and waited for the sun to rise. I made video clips of the Arizona silence breaking into day. I heard animals and watched as the desert painted her canvas with the bright colors of morning.
And I was there. I’ll only ever get one sunrise on my 29th birthday in Arizona. She’ll only visit me this one time, and I decided that I couldn’t miss it. I couldn’t come home thinking to myself how I wished I would have just seen a sunrise. No, I won’t regret my avoidance any longer. I’m going to live it, instead.
It’s not being overwhelmed that makes me tick, that drowns me. It’s looking out, beyond and seeing the possibilities of affecting a greater community. Of INFECTING people with love and hope and inspiration to use their talents. The possibility to live fully exactly where you are because you already have everything you need.
And I just had to tell you, for real, that this is exactly what I intend to do.