People kept asking me if we were going to take Jessica trick or treating … my answer was no. She’s 9 months old, not allowed to have sugar and can’t say “Trick or Treat!”.
Plus, I’m not dropping $20 on a costume she’ll wear once.
So I only dropped $1, and took her to my mom’s workplace to play with the other co-workers kids and grandkids and eat candy while it’s still in the wrapper.
Jessica is becoming quite the novice little walker - but she rarely has any direction, she just likes to walk, around. Her favorite, it seems, is to walk around with something in her hands; right now it’s the mobile from her pack-n-play.
She’ll throw it around, wiggle it and put it in her mouth all the while chit chatting with herself and walking towards, well, nothing. Just walking. And walking, and some more walking, with a side of walking.
One day soon I’m going to wake up, get her out of her crib, set her down for a minute and turn around to find she’s booked it from her bedroom, and then I have to find her before she ingests something toxic or before she finds the one door I forgot to close.
This game will soon become my life. My every waking moment. The reason I live and breathe, to find, hunt and protect the fearless baby running wild in my house.
And this game will never, ever end. Ever. Because walking turns into running, turns into going to school, turns into sleepovers away from us, turns into a teenager who threatens to run away to the backyard, turns into Jessica meets a boy and frolicks and takes walks and holds hands, turns into she goes to college, becomes independent and stops needing me to find, hunt and protect her. Turns into she has her own babies and realizes I never stopped finding, hunting or protecting her.
All of this because of legs.
On our trip to Traverse City, our digital camera broke, but no big deal - we have a warranty that will cover whatever it is. We’ve already had to get it fixed twice. So I go into Best Buy this morning with the camera and explain to them what happened, the LCD screen must have cracked and is blank when the camera is on.
We can still use the view finder and take photos, but this is not as fun as having the screen to look at. Well, Best Buy warranties don’t cover actual damage done to the body of the camera, only the inner workings of them.
It would cost atleast $200, off the top of geek squad boys head, to fix it.
This added to the recent quote of over $800 for Aaron’s car to be fixed, what with all the timing chains, coolant water somethings and other gadgets that aren’t working, er um, broken.
I hate technology.
I’m not laughing.
I’m sitting here listening to some of my old C.D’s from high school. I have some pretty broody stuff. I used to sit up in my room for HOURS listening to this music and writing poetry.
This was all during the time in my life when I thought I was going to marry my first love, but at the same time I couldn’t resign my destiny to the torturous relationship that I couldn’t get enough of. This was during a time in my life when the size of my jeans was the only thing I could control, and I controlled it well. I wrote this July of 99, I survived my freshman year and was about to embark on one of the worst years of my high school career, and the last of which I spent in traditional school.
Anorexia Nervosa
The slim emptiness
radiant without
surprise, leaps
out of the morbid
corpse of death
Her body
perpendicular
to skeletal
proportions is
the ora around
her angelic figure which
wildly screams
life
She sleekly disappears
to the nowhere
sky behind
silently slips into
silk skin and
beams through
the wood boards
of her diagnosed cage
She is no individual
of the human
form molded out of flesh
It is anorexia.
Granted, 6 years does alot for the state of mind, but the music remembers the emotions. It’s nice to know I’m not “there” anymore, but in an odd way, I like how this music makes me feel. Like me.
After realizing that Jessica likes to take naps ONLY in her crib or car seat - and very rarely with me or on me, I decided it was high time to train this child up in the way she should go … to sleep on other surfaces.
Today I made the executive decision to place her in her play pen for nap time, which is in our room at the moment. And after about 20 minutes of protesting - she surrendered to the exhaustion and fell fast asleep - this was almost 2 hours ago!!!!
I am Mother, hear me roar.