Jessica wakes up around 7:15-7:30 every morning, hopefully with the time change we’ll screw her up enough to think that 9 is a good time to get up. That would be heaven in so many ways.
Aaron got her first this morning and then when I was annoyed enough that I could still hear crying and not sleep through it I got up to see what was going on - and he went back to bed. She kept saying “I want, I want” and pointing to the fridge so being the groggy parent who wants to give the kid anything to make her go to sleep again I open the door completely willing to feed her a whole chocolate cake if that’s what it’s going to take and she points at the milk.
Well that was easy. I made her a bottle. A bottle, in which she hasn’t had for months now. At first she was reluctant to take it, thinking of how to make my morning start even sooner than I was ready for - but she gave in and started drinking.
I thought it was easy coasting from there, let her drink, put her down when it’s done, sneak out while she’s in a warm milk induced coma and forced back to sleep for hours.
She only drank about 1/4 cup of the whole thing and half way through even that she stopped and started to whine, so I took it away and set it down. That way I would be able to hold her and sit on a chair that was made for people whose height doesn’t go past 2 1/2 feet all the while trying to calm her, cursing the gods of waking children.
In her moment of madness she screams at me “Don’t, Mama. C’MON!”
Uh. Ok. I’m sorry?
posted on October 29, 2006| 5:00 PM EST
I’ve been going through some old photos trying to get the ones I think are good in order for some possible gallery type things and I came across a few photos of me before motherhood.
This one is of me before Aaron and I ate dinner on our front porch at our first house. I don’t know if I’m trying to look sexy or if I’m annoyed that he’s not sitting down so I can eat already.
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This one is of me walking, on the far left, with my dad, Wayne, and my sister and her baby - this is the weekend (morning after) we had found out we were pregnant. My thighs didn’t even touch.
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This one is of me on our honeymoon. The only reason I’m wearing a two-piece is because we’re in Mexico and I was sure no one I knew was going to see me. I had serious self image issues and when I look at this photo now I’m just damn proud I ever looked like that. No pity party here - self image has greatly improved, along with a dirty little secret of my addiction to diet pills. Dependent no more am I. And when I go to Florida in a few weeks I might wear a tankini and I might even look a little more like I used to than I have in the past 2 years but it’ll be from a lot of hard work and support.
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I’m trying to raise a healthy girl in this world. A daughter with character and self worth. A human being with more stock in her spirit than her looks. I’ll be throwing the TV away promptly. High school and middle school suck for this process. There’s always the pressure to be skinny - if they’re not getting it from their peers they damn well are from the media and most of their mom’s have issues going back generations about their body image and what the scale tells them they’re worth. Enough of that. It’s nice to be healthy, to be fit, to enjoy being in your own skin. It’s not a game and it’s not for sale. It’s your life, your body, your health.
Being a woman who is a mother that has a daughter in the 21st century isn’t a task to take lightly. It’s not just P’s and Q’s anymore people.
I didn’t start writing this post thinking I was going to give so much information or be on a soap box, I actually just wanted to make fun of my attitude … ironic.
posted on October 28, 2006| 11:03 PM EST
A near and dear friend of mine is turning a certain recognizable age this year on her birthday - one which parties are thrown, things are said and remembered and the beloved possibly goes home tanked from whiskey shots and happiness.
Oh yes, this party is happening alright - all the way in Florida for a FREAKING WEEK. And I’m going. I’m going. I am going. I am going to Florida for a week with all girls to celebrate the birthday of one of my best friends. Did I mention I was going alone. All by myself with the ladies. No one under 23 allowed. That includes inches.
41 days to take off.
We’ll be staying at a resort like this.
I am not responsible for the amount of shopping, laying in the sun, excerising on my own time or lack there of, sight seeing or getting spa treatments that may happen. I’m also not responsible for the amount of wine and fruity drinks I’ll order from the pool bar BECAUSE I CAN.
Commence working on tan in two weeks. Visiting gym more often starts Monday. Check.
posted on | 9:35 PM EST
Some pretty cool opportunities are coming my way recently and I’m very excited about each and every one of them.
There’s a possibility I might get to write some articles for a new publication that Holland Public Schools is looking to put out to students and parents. I don’t know a whole lot about this yet - just that I would be writing and getting compensation.
There’s another possibility I might get to hang some of my photos in a local coffee shop - as a gallery type thing - after the first of the year. Depends on what the manager thinks of what I consider my best photos. I could even sell a few. I meet with the manager in a few weeks to discuss everything.
Yesterday the Tea Party that Hospice of Holland threw came to fruition. I was on the committee to plan the event - and I had a blast yesterday. We set up and then sold raffle tickets and had a tea party and there was a fashion show. It was so fun. I have the opportunity to be on the committee again next year and possibly some other committee’s to plan other events.
I’m also taking more photos for friends and family, for pay. Which is really cool for me because photography is a passion, a hobby and a love for me and to do it, period, is fun - but to get some money on the side is even better. I’m really excited about it. I’m in no way a professional photographer, I just love doing it and I think I have a good eye for it. I just like to keep learning new things and trying them.
This winter is going to be busy, but a blast.
posted on October 25, 2006| 12:38 PM EST
In an effort to try and be less mundane with this website I’m going to throw a few things out there.
There are things I’m dieing to write about but censor because of certain people I know reading this. There isn’t much in my life right now where I’m allowed to be selfish - so I’m going to be selfish here.
My apologies.
I bought the uncensored version of Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake and play it LOUDLY when I’m alone. It makes me feel liberated because I am allowed to listen to songs with foul language in them. I even know the words … and I sing them. Out. Loud.
I’d like to yell at about 4 people and lay awake at night going over and over the conversations, getting every detail, every adjective right so that when I grow balls and actually say something, it’ll be perfect - in a mumbling nervous sort of way.
I recently became addicted to yeast breads - the making of. Our freezer is over flowing.
When I’m driving alone and not listening to slutty lyrics, I often say Bitch Cock Balls because no one is around to hear it. AND IT FEELS GOOD.
Being a mom isn’t everything I ever thought it would be. I never imagined that being a mom might mean not being me. Mom’s don’t swear. I was ok with that, but now I’m a mom and although I don’t have a dieing desire to list off every bad word known to man on a daily basis, would I ever like to scream a few four letter words at the top of my lungs sometimes. For no apparent reason. Because no one is listening, or everyone is.
I’d really like to stop wiping someone else’s tush though. Mine is enough to deal with.
Obviously I need to find out what makes me happy other than being a mom - where do my passions lie? What makes my heart beat faster? Sure, my kid smiling, awww … that’s the answer we’re supposed to give. When she wakes up and crawls in my arms everything is right with the world. A+ to you. This is all true and for some people that’s enough. But what happens when Jessica goes to school and moves out of our house - then what makes me happy? Every one needs something. I need something.
posted on October 19, 2006| 5:28 PM EST