Last week we ate out way too much. Adjusting to the new diet of gluten free allergen laden children has proved to be tiresome. So there are nights, too many lately, where I say – Um … remember when we didn’t have to think about gluten or modified corn starch? Remember those awesomely lazy nights where I could feed my entire family from the SAME store? and the SAME brand of food. That was awesome.

Any way, we just go out now and look the other way while the children eat something that may or may not be allowed within their allergies. Mostly it is because we’re still being parents and trying, but sometimes it’s not and man, that feels good. So one of those nights … we came home late after eating out again and we were telling the kids that when we got home there was going to be no “show me this!” “read me that” tonight since we’re awful parents and out past your bedtimes when there’s school tomorrow.

Then she saw a star and wished up on it. (I meant to say it like that by the way.)

It was: I wish I could ride a horse … a REAL one.

I love how simple their dreams are right now, anything is attainable to them. No mountain too high.

This is a dream I can help make come true so I asked Facebook for some suggestions. I got a number for someone who owns horses and then a friend said she herself had a horse and would Jessica like a ride in the pasture?

Yup. Yes she would.

It was fabulous.

The best part? On the way home she yells up to me from the back seat, MOM! MOM! MY DREAM - IT CAME TRUE!!!!

Why yes, yes it did. Now make another one, and this one … make it Bigger!

He’ll be two in one month.

He doesn’t like to wear shoes. And wants to do everything his sister does. Right now. No waiting. No worrying. No fear.

No help.

He climbs on everything, no obstacle is too large.

When he sees something he wants, he goes for it. No matter there’s a plastic protective covering.

And he’s the messiest thing I’ve ever encountered.

But he never stops smiling.

Or making us laugh or giggle. He woke up this morning talking about how funny he is. How funny Daddy is. Mommy. Duck. Monkey. All SO FUNNY! FUNNY!!

People who know me and see me out generally make remarks about how tired I must be or they wonder if my kids ever stop. They make silly faces and some times empathetic ones to let me know they understand, but only sort of.

That’s ok. I get it. Actually I don’t. I know nothing else. This manic chase of life and laughter. This wonderful marathon of mess, crumbs and spills. Of water every where and dirt on top of it. Of cleaning your entire house and turning around to see nothing has even changed – your shadow was undoing everything you started?

It literally is all I know. I didn’t get calm children. But I got happy ones.

Our daughter is getting an allowence these days for doing things like making sure her room is clean, bed is made, she folds her laundry and helps with the towels. She clears the table and empties the dishwasher.

So pretty much child labor.

Either way – she’s extremely happy with helping out and thinks it’s the biggest deal in the entire world to get money every Saturday morning. Then we chart it together, Tithe, Save and Save to Spend.

It was buring a hole in her pocket so I told her we could take one dollar and go downtown to the candy store. Then I gave my son a quarter and called it equal.

She loves candy. LOVES candy. What kid, who knows what it is, doesn’t? This was a major deal.

It worked out nicely that she got 4 pieces of candy with her one dollar and my son got 2 pieces with his quarter.

Because the new argument in this house is how fair everything is. It’s definitely NOT fair that her brother gets a snack even though she just had one and ate it faster. His is lasting longer, that’s not FAIR!

Oh, these are the days, aren’t they? I love almost every minute of it.

I had a moment today where I wondered if everything I ever believed in was true.

It’s odd how those moments bubble up in our lives. I dropped my kids off at a day care today for the very first time. An in-home, friend of my daughter’s house, day care.

All morning I talked myself out of calling to cancel, or calling just to make sure I had all the details right. I spent a good 45 minutes completely freaking out and calling Aaron, beside myself, crying. While they were still with me.

When I drove up to the house I imagined how the drop off would go, I’ll bring their bag in along with the paper with our numbers and their allergies listed. I’ll kiss their heads, they’ll cry for me and I’ll bravely walk out – ready to go to work.

Guess what happened? I walked it, presented some donuts and let my kids go. They ran away from me, not even caring that I was having a small crisis contained within my heart, letting them go. I fumbled my way through the drop off details – your number, my number, naps and did I mention this is hard for me?

Ok, gotta go.

I forgot to kiss them good bye. No matter really, they weren’t even aware that I was leaving … they were happy to play and explore this new environment. They were hopeful for donuts in just a few minutes.

I was trying to escape the moment, to force myself to be ok and put the car in reverse, to not freak out.

Try not to cry, try not to cry, try not to cry, try not t….damn it.

I drove aimlessly for a little while wondering if I should pull over and collect myself but knowing that if I did I’d just fall apart harder. Focus. Pick something. Pick somewhere.

I tried calling my mom, tried not to call Aaron and then decided to visit my mom at work.

A good idea right? Have a mental break down at your parent’s place of profession?? I thought so.

She wasn’t there. AHHHHHH!!! People are asking me if I found her, telling me she’s on her lunch – asking about the homemade donuts in my hands – are they for them?

No, no. No. Please, I just. I can’t.

And tears.

Finally I text my mom after two calls went unanswered and I just said: Mom, I need you

She called me.

I found her.

I went to her. She hugged me and I cried. Less than before, but I cried.

Leaving them there – at someone else’s home, where they make memories and have beds with sheets that don’t belong to me – it’s heart breaking. I felt like I was abandoning them. Tossing them off to someone else. Isn’t my job to be with them? Aren’t I supposed to be the one who wipes their mouths after a snack? Who suggests that shoes should be worn before playing outside?

I am that person. I will always be that person. I am their mom.

I gave myself a buffer before I had to make a meeting in town because I knew that dropping them off would be difficult. Hence the hunting my own mother. After all of that I had to go on with my day. I had to be productive and get a few things done. I had to work.

And I did and it wasn’t the end of the world. Not even my world.

I picked up the kids at the alloted time, both were filthy from playing outside in the dirt and sweating from the heat. Both weren’t ready to go home.

Both were smiling.

Oh my God, thank you. Thank you.

I looked through these shots of our weekend and realized I was taking photos of my child – a very tall drink of water who has all of a sudden since her last birthday, stopped being anything close to a toddler, or baby … and very much everything to do with being some one who is entering school and has thoughts that are bigger than barbies.

It’s a bit of a phenomenon. Look at her!

Oh my God, how blessed I am. How incredibly in love I am with her, with this spirit of hers – with everything about her.

She’s beautiful – and she’s pretty on the outside, too.

I first introduced this light after I went thrifting and found some very fun stuff for my daughters bedroom. And you can see a peek of it here in the first round of reveals and progress on her room.

After plenty of deliberation on colors and facebook help from friends, I decided to go for it and paint the light the same as the mirror … not a “safe” decision at all, but my daughter has nothing safe about her so I went for it. This room is for her, after all

I wanted to hang it by myself but decided against that after hearing a few stories about lights falling after not being professionally installed, so I called our electrician and waited for the call back. THEN I had an idea to ask Facebook for help. Really, it’s been wonderful help for this whole process. Any way – a friend said he could come by in a few nights and hang it for me.

Thanks, Mike! Now we have light in her room, and she looooooooooves it.

I put 60 watt bulbs in the fixture and it lights up like a dining room table, SO. VERY. BRIGHT. I’ll have to change those out for smaller wattage soon, but until then – the sun is shining from her ceiling.

Last time I left you with my daughters bedroom redo/update it looked like this:

And now, half way through the process of growing her room all up, it looks like this:

With this on her wall – nearest her bed.

I know the walls are bare otherwise. I have plans for them, but after Aaron got home from SXSW I needed a break from running around like a madwoman.

I’m refinishing 2 dressers (one for her room, one for her brothers) like this and when those are complete I’ll reveal the other views of her bedroom thus far.

There’s been lots of talk of a decal on the facebook page and YES! there will be a decal, above the dresser – but above the bed, I’ll be doing espresso cork board in a funky frame and changing the art as she grows.

Where did I see those squares of dark cork board? I saw them, I know I did. But google isn’t helping me remember where.

The headboard was SOOOOO easy.

I did, at one time, have photos of the process, but then my camera ate them. So. No photos. BUT! I found the frame to use for the project in our attic – so … free! I borrowed a staple gun from friends (Thanks Dave and Tracy!) and bought the batting and fabric needed to make the headboard.

Pretty much you just lay out the batting, staple on, then lay out the fabric and staple it on the frame as well. Make sure you tug on the fabric so it’s taught.

And there you have it! Easy peasy fabric head board.

Here’s the inspiration for her room, once again:

And our version of that is:

How are we doing?

I went THRIFTING today. I love thrifting. Especially after months and months of staring at Inspirational clip outs I’ve hung on the wall to motivate my inner decorator.

I got some amazing deals.

This mirror was marked $5 but I wasn’t willing to pay that, even though I REALLY wanted to get this mirror (5 year old calls is a Meer-Air) for my daughters bedroom, as we’re redoing the decor and taking it from nursery to big girl this weekend.

So I offered $3, they said $4 and I said, I’ve got three. Then I paid and walked out a happy girl.

When I got home, I did this to it.

Then we went to another thrift store and there happened to be a bookshelf in the corner that caught my eye. It was for sale however I couldn’t buy it because they were using it for display. You can imagine my confusion. And then I said that outloud. No, really, I want to buy this bookshelf today. I’m willing to give you cash for it. How much is it?

Then she said, $20 … probably $14.99. And I pressed harder. NO, Really, I want this book shelf.

This is why:

She finally said I could buy it (for $20) and let me take it home, when I got it there I did this:

Better photos coming in the daylight. I was too excited about these not to show you tonight.

Some other great finds I had I took home were this awesome little cast iron skillet. I love cast iron, so much. But I only have one skillet that I use Every. Single. Morning and some times 2 or 3 times a day. This one is smaller but I think I’m going to like that for when the kids just want some sausage for a snack or I need a quick pick me up fried egg at 3 pm. (Only paid a quarter, even better!)

These “bar glasses” were a set of 10 for $6, I only needed six so I split the set with my mom.

And this SAHWEET stock pot (think LOBSTERS!) was marked five bucks, I paid two.

This light fixture is going in my daughters bedroom after I paint it and find matching globes for the lightbulbs. (Etsy here I come!) Now, I could paint this the same color as the mirror, or go with a an ivory … or even dark purple. I don’t want to go crazy with the color in her bedroom, as we’re trying to stay away from the childish theme … but shout out some good accents. Maybe this is where I incorporate yellow?

At the same store that I bought the light fixture we found some fun stuff but didn’t purchase, here’s a looksee.

These light bulbs were $2 a piece and I almost bought three of them to make a light fixture over our dining room table (when the kitchen remodel is done … and it hasn’t started yet, and won’t this year … so I was thinking way ahead) but then I talked to one of the men working there and apparently they burn more than 300 watts a piece … so, bad for the environment in a little dining room. I put them down, but they’re SO cool.

This filing cabinet is only $50 – I can see this in a crafting room. A room that I do not have. But if you do, you should totally make use of this!

Molly, my sister, found a potential new front door. I love it! I’m a sucker for mission type furniture – and those windows? In love.

Now, to round out the fabulous day here’s my inspiration for my daughters bedroom … and photos of the transformation are coming soon … but here’s a sneak peak:

What have been some of your favorite thrift store finds? What about the best steal of a deal?

I haven’t been that good at remembering my camera this winter, partly because for half of it I was trying to sell it and then when someone said – I want to buy it, I’m coming to get it tonight – I panicked and changed my mind. I don’t yet have another camera to replace it, so … bad idea.

But the winter is pretty hard for me to get excited about photos. Not because it’s not beautiful but it’s pretty mono-tone. And I stay inside a lot. Or the lighting is fluorescent and then it’s just … really?

So I love that we’re getting outside more and the sun is shining to boot!

One of my favorite things to do with my camera is to follow my little people around and just click away. I rarely look through the view finder … I just aim and shoot at knee length, street level, eye level … whatever looks interesting.

Some times all I get are feet. But that’s ok with me. I love those little feet.

And the way they amble along the sidewalk.

The way they stand next to each other, having a conversation all their own.

Those are the feet that are going to, one day, take my Little’s somewhere new. And if I always aim at their smiles I’ll one day forget that those feet were carrying them all along.

22 months ago, exactly, you held him in your arms for the very first time.

Your hands have held me, and kept my daughter safe.

Countless joyful afternoons were spent swinging on your arms, feeling the breeze whisper on my face as you flung me back and forth – always careful, always strong.

Today, he felt it too.