I have given myself til the end of this month to actually write this post so here goes.

Life List item Ten is to Lose 30 pounds. The deadline to write about this was not the deadline to lose any weight … the weight is gone, has been for a while I just do not want to write about this.

This is me Oct 10, 2009

This is me March 14, 2010

So the weight is gone and I’m still dealing with blood sugar woes, although it’s manageable with a strict diet. Losing the weight was something I wanted to do for me – I want to feel good. But saying all of this makes it sound like I wasn’t happy before and I so totally was. Everyone has body issues.

Bla bla bla.

Accomplished!

Now – in a few months I’ll be jumping off the pier in my wedding gown, right after having a massive food fight. This I will write about. Who wants to have this food fight with me? I kind of have a fantasy where we’re throwing spaghetti and meat balls at each other. Is there a restaurant out there that wants to sponsor this one? Any one? It’ll be fun.

Let’s break from the madness of bedrooms, thrifting and photos for a sec, k? I need to clear some air.

In most of the Life List posts lately I bring my parents into the picture. My childhood. I feel like I paint it to be rocky, or worthless. Which it is very much was not.

I talk about being spoiled because there was such a rift between my siblings and I over this very issue – I am the baby, and I was very close to my step dad, more so than any of them, so I was just very aware of the differences between us. Not differences like – we’re just not the same – more like, the comments that were always made about how spoiled I was.

I get it now. I understand. I’m working through it. I’m figuring it out. I was spoiled, but I have always been ambitious – I just lacked follow through in a lot of the “grown up” areas of my life that I’ve had to earn and learn the hard way. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

For instance:

After moving out on my own I would do laundry after it piled up and when everything was done and put away I would, literally, think I was home free. As in, I’d have at least 2 months before I had to look at my laundry room again. I’ve never owned that much underwear, so I was delusional. Naive. I just thought I put my time in, now it’ll just work out.

Minimal effort for maximum outcome.

But whatever, now I know better and I’m learning and trying to teach my kids work ethic and all kinds of things I want them to grasp early. But that’s not because I wasn’t taught those things. I was … and then I wasn’t.

It varied.

Pretty much what I want to say is, my parents did a great job, and now when I’m writing about them or making it sound like I lacked some kind of growing up lesson or skill … some times that’s exactly what I’m saying, because it’s true, but most of the time I’m just being honest about how I was seeing the world back then … and how I see it now.

Part of me also wants to prove, so badly, to my siblings that I’m not that girl anymore. Judgmental, harsh, mouthy. There’s a bitch inside me that has seen too much light already, in my life. But I was protecting myself from rejection and hurt.

I feel like, in the past year or so, I’ve gained compassion in a way I’ve never experienced it before. Now when I hear conversations about families from friends and how they’re stressed out or don’t think somethings fair I just want to warn them. So often we talk about emotions and feelings as they affect us THIS INSTANT, but what about when those tables turn? What about the time when your family is having this same conversation, only it’s about you that time?

I don’t know. Am I making sense?

Any way. My parents are great. They did awesome things for me as I was growing up – and none of it had to do with being spoiled. I guess I bring that up now, more often, because we’re in a position to have spoiled children. Not with wealth … but with stuff. And I already see the effects of it and it grosses me out. Seeing a grand parent is not about a present and Christmas is not about the gifts … yet that’s what they expect because that’s what they’ve been modeled.

And I’m just done with being spoiled.

(I’m kidding, I still want flowers and massages. Please. Thank you.)

I went THRIFTING today. I love thrifting. Especially after months and months of staring at Inspirational clip outs I’ve hung on the wall to motivate my inner decorator.

I got some amazing deals.

This mirror was marked $5 but I wasn’t willing to pay that, even though I REALLY wanted to get this mirror (5 year old calls is a Meer-Air) for my daughters bedroom, as we’re redoing the decor and taking it from nursery to big girl this weekend.

So I offered $3, they said $4 and I said, I’ve got three. Then I paid and walked out a happy girl.

When I got home, I did this to it.

Then we went to another thrift store and there happened to be a bookshelf in the corner that caught my eye. It was for sale however I couldn’t buy it because they were using it for display. You can imagine my confusion. And then I said that outloud. No, really, I want to buy this bookshelf today. I’m willing to give you cash for it. How much is it?

Then she said, $20 … probably $14.99. And I pressed harder. NO, Really, I want this book shelf.

This is why:

She finally said I could buy it (for $20) and let me take it home, when I got it there I did this:

Better photos coming in the daylight. I was too excited about these not to show you tonight.

Some other great finds I had I took home were this awesome little cast iron skillet. I love cast iron, so much. But I only have one skillet that I use Every. Single. Morning and some times 2 or 3 times a day. This one is smaller but I think I’m going to like that for when the kids just want some sausage for a snack or I need a quick pick me up fried egg at 3 pm. (Only paid a quarter, even better!)

These “bar glasses” were a set of 10 for $6, I only needed six so I split the set with my mom.

And this SAHWEET stock pot (think LOBSTERS!) was marked five bucks, I paid two.

This light fixture is going in my daughters bedroom after I paint it and find matching globes for the lightbulbs. (Etsy here I come!) Now, I could paint this the same color as the mirror, or go with a an ivory … or even dark purple. I don’t want to go crazy with the color in her bedroom, as we’re trying to stay away from the childish theme … but shout out some good accents. Maybe this is where I incorporate yellow?

At the same store that I bought the light fixture we found some fun stuff but didn’t purchase, here’s a looksee.

These light bulbs were $2 a piece and I almost bought three of them to make a light fixture over our dining room table (when the kitchen remodel is done … and it hasn’t started yet, and won’t this year … so I was thinking way ahead) but then I talked to one of the men working there and apparently they burn more than 300 watts a piece … so, bad for the environment in a little dining room. I put them down, but they’re SO cool.

This filing cabinet is only $50 – I can see this in a crafting room. A room that I do not have. But if you do, you should totally make use of this!

Molly, my sister, found a potential new front door. I love it! I’m a sucker for mission type furniture – and those windows? In love.

Now, to round out the fabulous day here’s my inspiration for my daughters bedroom … and photos of the transformation are coming soon … but here’s a sneak peak:

What have been some of your favorite thrift store finds? What about the best steal of a deal?

Well well well.

I didn’t know I’d be crossing this one off the list next. So, here’s where I go in a couple different directions, but I promise to come back around and make a point.

On my way out to my dad’s place in the sticks, with a wonderful pull barn full of tools he was allowing me to use and learn on, I was thinking about why this skill was so important to me. Sure, it’s cool to know how to use a saw and build something, but I wrote this on a list of things I wanted to do in my entire life. It was bigger to me than cool factor.

I started crying on my way out to my dad’s house … oh the tears I’m shedding over this list! All wonderful, self exposing tears.

I have written here before about parts of my childhood – the part about it that spoiled me, and (I have thought) taught me nothing. That was a wonderful time in my life where I let someone else take care of me, where I was allowed to be the child inside. Where I was pampered, coddled and cooed on. I went right from that to marriage and right from that to parenthood.

All my life my only goal was to be a mom. Marriage. Kids.

Done.

I got there so early and so eagerly that a few years later I was seriously wondering if this was it for me. Is this what I was made for? Am I really happy ONLY being a mom? Can I never have another dream? Ambition?

Let’s back up. Being spoiled and coddled didn’t teach me NOTHING. I have life skills, but I feel seriously lacking in that area … and it’s my own fault. I got through most of the last 10 years on my ability to charm. When someone asks me to “prove it” I clam up and start to doubt myself. When really, they’re saying to me … Jodi, you talk alot, but try to walk. And I get scared alone. Walking alone, by myself. I get anxious and nervous and all kinds of bashful.

And then I wrote this list. This list that says, very publicly, I believe in my ability to acomplish my dreams.

And I totally do.

So, folks, here’s my first steps:

I’m tired of living stagnantly. Believing the self-taught, torturous lie that I’m just not good enough to try those things. To conquer unknowns.

So cheers to the Life List ! Cheers to being raw and naked on paper, Cheers to putting to work the hands that spell my heart out in words and words and words a day to creating something I can touch and see! I DID IT!

*** I made these bookshelves from Knock Off Wood and I would like to, sincerely, thank her for her talent … I was all set to sign up for a Shop class this year and do whatever it took to learn this skill … then her site appeared, and my confidence with it.

Now I need to paint them:

Got opinions?

Since meeting with some of the other local bloggers and talking “shop” about blogging and coding and what not I thought I’d quick share this cheat sheet Aaron made for me years ago when I started asking questions.

Cheat Sheet

Enjoy!

I’m, by no means, a coding enthusiast but I do write in the “HTML” tab of wordpress because it’s how I’ve always written, in all the platforms I’ve used since beginning to blog … it’s just more comfortable to me. And I have some pretty rock-awesome access to people who know what they’re doing . Makes it fun!

Get in the habit of doing grand gestures for my kids.

When I wrote this list I couldn’t get this idea out of my mind. How I wanted to be a mom who put my kids first like that. I want pretty things, but my kids want them too. I’ve been bogged down about how I don’t have time or energy to create such splendor, even if it’s to celebrate the silliest of things (A day of Jammies! A Bath for Breakfast! Ice Cream Parlor Wanna Be!) and really? Who am I kidding!!!

I have everything I need.

I have her.

I have him.

I have them.

And I wasn’t willing to wait another day playing the “reason” game on why I could hold off, yet again, on making beautiful things happen in our lives. I decided to start with breakfast.

Here are all my reasons for why I thought I couldn’t do it, when I tell my daughter every single day that couldn’t and can’t aren’t words we believe in … I was lying out loud.

# Money.
# Needing to be gluten free/healthy.
# Time.
# Not being good enough.
# Not being perfect.
# Worrying that they wouldn’t like it.
# Worrying that I didn’t have what it takes, creatively or literally (items used) to pull it off.

Here’s the truth: I own a glue gun and we have internet streaming in our house 24/7. I have everything I need to pull this off. I don’t have to spend any money. Gluten free can be pretty, too. I make the time I feel is important. I’ve never been NOT good enough, I’m their mother. I’ll never be perfect. I’m allowed to take chances. It was damn time.

I even woke up early, which is something else on my life list, to see her face when she walked out of her room. My son woke up first and the first thing he said was “Woah.” … My daughter said “You surprised me!” and my heart said “YES, YES I DID!, I LOVE YOU!”

Breakfast is a historically difficult meal for me but it’s my very favorite to make and serve. The morning my mom announced my parent’s divorce to my siblings and I was the morning she stopped making breakfast. My mom is Martha Stewart, folks. She made every single meal, every single snack from scratch. Then one morning … it all changed.

Here’s a secret: I think this is when my journey with food begins. I’ve never acknowledged that publicly before. But all of a sudden there was a void in my normal routine. Something substantial – my breakfast, the beginning was all of a sudden the end. Since that morning I’ve struggled with how to feed myself in the morning, and I generally choose to feed myself sugar, which is love to me, really. It’s no wonder I wound up with a broken pancreas. I broke it with a broken nine-year old heart and a shattered life view.

Seeing Jill Tanis has put a lot of healing into this very subject and now I eat eggs, savory tastes, every morning. I don’t always like it, I even fight it some mornings, but I’m doing more than feeding my body … I’m reminding myself – at every beginning – that I can trust that sweetness is still there, that it’s around the corner, down the hall and in my pocket … all I have to do is see it. I no longer have to eat it.

So, Breakfast. It’s kind of a big deal to me. And I wanted to start where I left off, I guess, in showing my kids how very much I love them. That I can break barriers and tear walls down to build them up. That I can do hard things. Because I can.

I’ll be cranking out a couple “history” posts and just rapidly publishing them here, I’m hoping to write them and then link to them on the About page so if you’re new here or just want more info on something I generally talk about, but need more details … it should hopefully be easy to find.

I’m trying to make this website a bit easier to navigate in terms of finding a stream of conversation on any given topic. Like, the gestational diabetes stuff. Or all the videos in one place. Or the How To’s.

Nothing else is changing – but I’m trying to be organized about this. It’s a process, to say the least.

Along with having to be super careful about what I eat because of the whole “you’re probably diabetic” thing – I can’t really have alcohol either. Except for red wine … once in a while.

For a while, after I read that Red Wine helped slow down the digestion of insulin in ones body that it was actually beneficial to a diabetic to drink a glass, I was having one with dinner most nights.

Then I read about diabetics and blood types – and how my blood type has low stomach acid and should avoid caffeine and alcohol … well, I haven’t had hardly any … alcohol … coffee in the morning is a harder one to let go of. But I’m a tea drinker too. I’m transitioning.

And tonight I had a glass of wine because today was crazy. Because it sounded good. Because I have a box of it in the fridge. Oh, yes, I do.

Then I proceeded to silly-email friends on facebook and giggle to myself about it, out loud. But after the past few days, which were total emotional wringers for me, a night like this. A light night. A happy night. A night with a little buzz. (Sorry, Grandma!) It just fits.

In other fun news – the results to our little poll on the next Cooking Demo topic are in!

So … it’s a tie for Healthy cooking and Cooking over the fire (which is a total surprise to me!) but I “test voted” once to make sure it was all set up and working and I voted for Cooking over the fire – so technically Healthy cooking wins this round.

There you have it! Details coming soon about Healthy Cooking – Cooking Demo.

Insert tiny print here: And Oh My Word, you should not read this and think I’m condoning alcohol use in any way, because please … I do not have that much power, but I know I’ll get emails about it … so just stop right there.

Here’s the fam:

We went up north to The Parent’s cottage a few weeks ago and spent the time hanging out making donuts and marshmallows from scratch. YUM.

In order to eat those marshmallows we needed a fire. So I took it upon myself to lick the flame.

I may have paraded around giggling after the whole “I build fire!” thing, but it was fun … there’s a technique to building a fire – one with air flow and oxygen. It was good times.

Then we waited for the flame to die down and give us some coals in which to roast the marsh’s …

And our weekend was complete.

Moving on. It’s Friday. Happy Happy Friday and the sun is shining and I can see patches of grass.

Yesterday morning my daughter requested that we go on a walk right away after waking up, so we got ready and went downtown for some clean sidewalks and sunshine. Tulips are peeking through soil. I had my camera and she took control of it while we sat in a coffee shop and warmed our hands after the walk, drinking coffee and eating yogurt.

Some times it’s the little things.