There’s a crack in the door of the kids’ bedroom. Through it we can see what kind of mayhem the youngest is currenty getting in to … and he get’s into a lot of mayhem.

He’s supposed to be napping but has discovered how to climb out of his crib. Right now, as I’m taking sneaky photos of his shenanigans through the crack in the door, he’s standing on top of his older sister’s bed reading a book.

Then there was movement and I could no longer see him through the crack so I opened the door slightly to get a better view. I am so on top of this.

He’s pulling his “ki-ki” out of the spokes of his crib, still supposed to be sleeping, still unaware of my Private Eye capabilities.

OH NO! He spots me.

He gives me the “Mom, I can see you!” look and is slightly too believable in his disapproval of my watching him disobey nap time.

Wait a minute young man! This is too convincing! I’m the one who should be crossing my arms at you. But he’s SOOOOO cute.

And he starts to smile – which makes me weak in the knees because of his dimples. Wait. Wait ONE MINUTE. There was a nap that was going on in here. Well, sort of. How did we get here?

He’s on to me, he grabs his duck … he dashes!

IN YOUR FACE, MOM!

Touché, my son.

Our baby boy turned two on May 5th.

It was a big day for him. Lots of frosting and presents.

It was a big day for the whole family, really.

We celebrated the joyfulness he fills us with every single day …

And how incredibly in love with life he is, he’s made us and he continues to be as his own little two year old self.

It was a very low key celebration with just Grandpa’s and Grandma’s, a few aunts and uncles. It’s not really our “thing” to make a huge deal out of birthdays outside of our own family of four. We like to celebrate each other in a big way, without fanfare or 17 primary colored toys.

Because celebrating life isn’t about getting, it’s about giving.

And he gives us so much.

Being the baby of our family is fun, I think. My daughter and I like to cater to him but we also like to treat him like a big boy – because that’s what he prefers. She said to me yesterday, driving around in the car, that she can’t wait to be a Mommy! Hearing something like that from your own child is a pretty big compliment – because their frame of reference of mothering is you. It’s me.

I get pretty paranoid about screwing them up. Am I telling them I love them enough? Am I smothering? Am I strict enough where it counts? Do I establish boundaries well enough? It’s always about being enough and doing enough and accomplishing it all when really they see me being me. Just me.

Short comings, pitfalls in my own character, crabby and sad. They see it all. Of all the people in my life – my kids know me, my heart, the best. We’re with one another every single day, all day. But she chooses to see the happy, well adjusted person I try to be. She chooses to see me for me.

And she said she wants that, too.

Happy birthday to our little guy, to our special girl and to our family of four. We just might be doing this right – and we’re loving every single minute.

Happy Memorial Day.

This photo was taken weeks before we decided to start adding to our family. It was in August of 2009. We took our little fam to Grand Haven for lunch and a walk on the pier – I remember getting a beer and sitting there thinking how perfect life was. Sitting outside on a deck eating with the people who meant the most to me.

Our little girl. Our world. In a pink dress and barefoot, she cascaded the rocks on the pier, always looking for something else to climb. Another mountain to over take. A challenge to over come.

I think back to this day often, actually. I knew in my heart that we were spending one of the last weekends as the three of us before a fourth became a reality in my womb. I knew, in the bottom of my gut, in all of my instincts that this weekend was for all of us. For Aaron and I to remember how sweet it is. For Jessica to remember how much fun it is. For me to know how peaceful my life really is.

We’ll never forget those years with “just her”. We wouldn’t trade that time for anything and we wouldn’t redo it or decide to not move forward and build a bigger foundation in our family.

Before we knew it – her bare-feet were tangled and touching his.

And then we could breathe. We could exhale. We didn’t know we were holding our breath, trying to hold on to every moment and every feeling. Trying to touch our souls and reach for that moment.

I don’t know if we’re complete, yet. But I know we’re lucky. We are so damn lucky.

I’ve had to say thing like this, out loud.

“Hey, get your penis off the table.”
“Keep your penis in your pants.”
“Yes, Oliver, those are balls.”
“Why are you pinching that?”

Every morning when he wakes up and then comes in to get me out of bed by removing all my blankets and getting in my face with his morning breath – he says “HI MORNING!!” and then smiles. I see his dimples, curse his alarm clock likeness and wait for the very next words out of his mouth.

“I hungy.”
“Mommy, I hungy.”
“Hungy, MOMMY!”

So far this morning I’ve made him 3 eggs, sausage, and a bowl of cereal for breakfast and we’re not done. That was all before 8 am.

I now understand the statement “He’ll eat us out of house and home” because it’s true.

I approach his curiosity towards my chest a little differently than I do of my daughters. She just wants to know when she gets them, he wants to grab them and yell BOOOOOBIES! Then giggle.

And he’s stealth. All of a sudden I’m putting him to bed and the next thing I know there is an invasive little hand traveling down the neck of my shirt. Like a ninja.

And no, Son, mommy’s penis didn’t fall off and I don’t need a tampon to make it all better, but thank you for offering … every single day.

It was a good birthday, being two.

These videos are a bit of “full circle” moment for us as adults. Mostly my husband as he spent most of his youth skating off rails and trying to make sure that having any children naturally would probably never happen (I’ve seen the videos. The stunts that ended in a crotch fall are numerous. I’m just saying).

The fact that both of them love to go fast is no surprise, I mean … kids like to go fast right? Most of the time? Be thrown into the air? Roller coasters? Fine … we do, they do, it fits. We love it.

I was starting to get anxious about our morning out because we had no real way of keeping the kids near us … they were MOBILE on WHEELS. And the coffee wasn’t kicking in, or maybe it was and that’s why the bitch inside of me came out with 4 heads and crosseyed pointy fingers going “LOOK!! LOOOOOK!!! WE’RE GOING TO LOSE THEM IN THE SEA OF PEOPLE!”

I could feel my heart beat faster and all I could see was me sweating even more while we tried to venture through the Farmers Market without any kind of device with a belt on it to keep them close.

You are right, I have issues. I am kind of insane. And mostly intense.

But then. THEN! We came to this hill and all was right with the world – the kids were laughing, I had ditched my coffee because I realized that being even more jacked up was not the right decision and we stayed there at that hill for a good 15 minutes, riding the hill, watching them laugh and discover and be kids.

Some times things don’t go my way at all … and it always turns out better any way.

It’s a beautiful rainy day here in Holland and my dutch dancing this morning was canceled, no matter that I was already dressed and walking to find my group.

I have a list of things to be doing right now because both of my kids are sleeping but I can’t quiet my mind and my hands want nothing to do with busy work.

So I’ll just catch up here *smiles*, you don’t mind, do you?

May has been a full month. Full as in fulfilling, full as in robust and full as in overflowing.

I submitted to a magazine and was asked to write, which I did. I’m pretty sure I’ll be in the next issue but I haven’t heard the final yes or no, although maybe I did and I’m trying not to jinx it. It is on my life list to be a published writer for magazines, so … holding my breath.

This is the month when Gleek Retreat is happening and behind the scenes I am BUSY getting things wrapped up (sponsors) and planned (swag bags, details, etc) for the event. I am tired in the best way possible, but I’m also anxious. Ready to see some faces.

Last weekend the hubs and I went to DETROIT! to see some friends and also a Tigers Game, a first for me. It was a wonderful little hiatus.

In one of my recent lists of lovely I linked to this and we tried them … delicious fun, folks. But don’t really eat them. It’s just wonder and awe in bubbles … a snake of bubbles. Perfect post naptime pick me up, to see something floating above you, made from your breath – this beautiful string of little soapy rainbows.

And then giggles. Lots and lots of giggles. Filling the air, filling me up, preparing me for a celebration. The one where he turns two.

The one where she watches and celebrates him anew.

She made us a family and he made us complete.

Happy birthday, us. We did it!

Mondays. I actually love them, but this one is going entirely too fast. Just like this month.

On Wednesday we’ll be celebrating our son’s second birthday. He has no idea what’s coming and hasn’t the slightest clue about what a birthday entails. His sister does. She’s excited on his behalf. There will be CAKE.

And kisses.

How, exactly, does one slow down the minutes to capture and savor and enjoy every second?

I walked away while he was sitting nicely watching a cartoon, I needed to take the trash out. My computer was up, and open. On top of my desk that he is not allowed to climb on or hang from because it’s a little fragile. And there are things on top of it. Like computers. Frames. Flowers with a vase full of water.

I would love to tell you that I’m surprised by this, but this is happening more and more frequently. He is a stinker through and through. Not only that but he’s 100% different from his sister at this age. And much bigger.

I will grey prematurely because of this one. Which is not me complaining at all – it’s just fact. I take it in stride. Today there was no ER visit. But we’re only half way through the day.