I haven’t been that good at remembering my camera this winter, partly because for half of it I was trying to sell it and then when someone said – I want to buy it, I’m coming to get it tonight – I panicked and changed my mind. I don’t yet have another camera to replace it, so … bad idea.

But the winter is pretty hard for me to get excited about photos. Not because it’s not beautiful but it’s pretty mono-tone. And I stay inside a lot. Or the lighting is fluorescent and then it’s just … really?

So I love that we’re getting outside more and the sun is shining to boot!

One of my favorite things to do with my camera is to follow my little people around and just click away. I rarely look through the view finder … I just aim and shoot at knee length, street level, eye level … whatever looks interesting.

Some times all I get are feet. But that’s ok with me. I love those little feet.

And the way they amble along the sidewalk.

The way they stand next to each other, having a conversation all their own.

Those are the feet that are going to, one day, take my Little’s somewhere new. And if I always aim at their smiles I’ll one day forget that those feet were carrying them all along.

22 months ago, exactly, you held him in your arms for the very first time.

Your hands have held me, and kept my daughter safe.

Countless joyful afternoons were spent swinging on your arms, feeling the breeze whisper on my face as you flung me back and forth – always careful, always strong.

Today, he felt it too.

Here’s the fam:

We went up north to The Parent’s cottage a few weeks ago and spent the time hanging out making donuts and marshmallows from scratch. YUM.

In order to eat those marshmallows we needed a fire. So I took it upon myself to lick the flame.

I may have paraded around giggling after the whole “I build fire!” thing, but it was fun … there’s a technique to building a fire – one with air flow and oxygen. It was good times.

Then we waited for the flame to die down and give us some coals in which to roast the marsh’s …

And our weekend was complete.

Today was a big day over here. Oliver got his first hair cut. 21 months old and today was the day.

Here’s a little story about hair. I love long hair on boys. As in, LOVE it. Always have. And curly hair on a boy? Oh my goodness. Stop it. Just stop.

Aaron’s parents weren’t huge fans of longer hair in the past – and I think it’s either grown on them or maybe they don’t have someone asking them to let allow them to grow it out. Not sure- but it seems like that argument has dialed down. Not that it ever was really – an argument. It was just a difference in me from them. One that we laughed at a lot together.

That’s important because I never ever thought Aaron would be the one who was against cutting Oliver’s hair. Everyone pretty much assumed it would be me waiting and waiting … hoping to see a curl and keep his baby hair growing – but nope. It was Aaron. He wanted Oliver’s hair to grow out.

Now.

Oliver might have curly hair one day. One day after a certain age and passage of time happens. I will not go farther with that statement. But who knows, maybe he’ll have curls before then. When it’s humid he has a few cutesy baby curls but it never lasts.

The funny apart of this is since he was born my mom has been claiming that he’ll have curly hair! He’s going to have curly hair! Look!! It’s curly! (No, no it isn’t) I love you mom.

So. After realizing that it was time and convincing Aaron it was time to cut it we took him in today for his first cut.

I’m not a boy and have never told a hair dresser what to do with a boys hair so I pretty much said … I want it shorter on the sides than on the top … and I want to be able to spike it.

And away she went.

I had a hard time not crying when this was happening because so much of his “baby-ness” is still tied up in his hair. Cutting it just draws another line in the sand of time. It’s sad. I’m not ready for it, but here it is. And he’s ready for it, and loving it. And. Tears.

Stop it. Just stop.

You are light to the darkness and salve to a broken heart. You are love. And you are mine.

You guys, I forgot today had anything to do with football. We’re a terrible household in this manner, we are not sport watchers nor do we own any kind of gaming consoles. We just aren’t interested. Would we be? Sure, I guess if we had a Wii we’d play it twice a year, but I don’t have the patience to store and dust that kind of thing for the rest of the year while it sits there staring at me.

We have laptops. They take enough of our time.

And later today I’ll be posting the giveaway on facebook for those of you who might be doing something other than eating wings and watching grown men in tight pants hit each other. Maybe? Are there any other people in my boat?

Until then, here’s a gem of a video of Oliver from our vacation in Florida. I’d rather watch this sport any day.

(if you’re reading this site via an RSS feed or Google Reader or something else, you won’t see the video I’m told … just click through to the site and you’ll be happy … or not, either way, happy reading!)

We totally hit the jackpot on personality with our kids. Jessica is our drama with a side of seriousness that makes your heart melt and Oliver is our goof with a lovers smile … this ones all about Oliver.

Let’s just say I hope they’re still doing slide shows at weddings when my babies get married.

We don’t have pets but my husband and I both grew up with them. We often get asked why we don’t have a dog for the kids … For The Kids. Which just kills me because that is a ridiculous statement in my book. One: The “kids” are 5 and under – they can’t even wipe their own butts and you want me to get an animal that needs tender, love and care FOR them. I would like to rub your nose in poo for suggesting this to me. Two: Having a pet does not instantly teach a child how to care for something or automatically give them responsibility.

And Three: We have chosen to have humans, not animals, live in our house. They take up enough of my time with feeding, cleaning and picking up after them. Adding another breathing soul to the mix with lots of hair makes me want to pull mine out.

Plus I think they stink and having them inside of a house kinda makes my skin crawl, if you want me to be honest. I know that I don’t clean my floors often enough to warrant all the extra hair and stink of an animal running about.

My dad, though, loves dogs. LOVES them. He has always had one and they really are a mans best friend. I get it, I enjoy visiting animals and I love watching my kids interact with them … but I still don’t want to own one. Now, my dad is an airline pilot so he’s gone an awful lot of the time and when he’s home he loves to have his trusty companion at his side.

This was a first though, this past week my dad came into town to visit us and brought Dotty along. Inside of my house. All the way in, all the way down, on my carpet.

After the initial shock of a hairy animal in my house that I didn’t recognize as something I would ever open my door to … it finally hit me that this was Dotty which meant my dad must have arrived. The kids were understandably beside themsevles with excitement.

A DOG! A BALL! INSTANT GAME FOR HOURS!

This went on for a while but was very short lived once I got the camera out … Dotty doesn’t like the big black thing next to my eye clicking at her. I can see why.

But she’s a beautiful dog with all kinds of love to give.

And it felt a little funny having a dog in my basement on my carpet. Partly natural and party very unnatural. Jessica was a bit more timid about having an animal in her personal space where Oliver couldn’t get enough of telling Dotty to fetch and then sit and then NO! for no real reason.

But you can bet I cleaned all my floors instantly to make sure there was no lingering hair or smell. It doesn’t matter to me how clean it is, it’s still a dog … in my home. And no. Just, no.

Also, we’re almost certain Oliver is allergic to dogs and cats so putting him up close and personal with one for an extended period of time was a little un-canning to me but he survived. We all did. And we even enjoyed it a bit.

But don’t tell anyone.

Helllooooooo out there!

So you know how sometimes you go through these big self changes and then inevitably something else has to give? You need time or a spot or a place that isn’t glaring your inner thoughts to the person right next to you. You need space. In your head, in your heart – your home. You need to be alone, to think and ponder. To question and then to answer.

Thats where I went for a while – inside. Inside myself. Most of the time I have absolutely no problem whatsoever putting everything on here and letting it go to the ends of the world if it so chooses. Or is someone googles what it costs to have a baby and they get my tirade of a rant instead. Either way … it ebbs and flows – my feelings about an online story in which I am the main character and my life is the plot.

I’ve pretty much decided that I just don’t know. I don’t know what’s going to happen next, I cannot predict that my plan will work or is working. I can only improve the parts of me that need improving – and that, my friends, I am doing with the most valuable people in my real life. My family. My husband. My kids. That is no longer part of this. Not right now.

So any way. How the heck are ya? I got myself a new hair cut and am feeling wonderful due to the blood sugar issues being tackled – and they are being tackled. Things are improving on a daily basis.

We also became a family who hikes together – which is lovely number 92 on my life list , photos coming one of these days.

After watching the food network for a bit Jessica has decided to become a chef in our home on a daily basis. The latest concoction was juice!!! She served it to us via wine glasses, she’s all about the sophistication. And, you guys, oh-my-golly there are days when I want to strangle the attitude out of this one, but seriously – she is the joy of my life. We rub each other like sand paper some days and it’s tiring and defeating, but at the end of every day she’s laying in her bed while we read Shell Silverstien poetry and she giggles at all the right words, laughs at the end of the silliest poems and then hugs me good night. DOES. NOT. GET. BETTER. THAN. THAT.

On the flip side of children – Oliver isn’t talking very much although he has discovered the wonderful world of voicing his opinion via the very popular word “No.” And he is as stubborn as they come, which we can gingerly thank me for. He is stubborn the way I am stubborn, and I admit this readily … it’s the worst kind. And it’s kind of ugly. Doesn’t matter that the kid is hungry, if it’s our suggestion that he can have GOLDFISH!!! he’ll very much look at you like you’ve grown growling dogs out of your ears and screech NO!! while he whips his head, or entire body, in the other direction entirely.

The differences between the girl and boy in our house could not be more pronounced. She’s got a fire under her butt and has attitude, but listens and reasons very well. VERY well. He’s got tar in his pants (that’s how stubborn he is) and is full of righteous indignation, does a fairly good job of listening, follows directions and has no reasoning skills WHATSOEVER. He is emotional to the tilt, there’s no “We don’t bite because it hurts” there’s always “We don’t bite…” and then lots of really big tears and LOUD noises. He’s devastated by our lack of admiration for his prowess as a young cheetah hunter in his jungle of a world.

However!! I am making damn sure that he loves me no matter what because now that I have a son, I have every kind of sympathy I lacked when I first got married to a first born – a first born son. Um!! Mother In Law, I love you and I love how much you love your son, who is now my husband and oh my goodness – the job you did at raising him, WAS SPECTACULAR. I hope I have a son half as amazing as the husband I have, although … (and we’re working on this) HE WILL HUG ME MORE, or his future wife will have me in a crumple hot mess at her doorstep begging for her to tell him I need to be hugged.

The end.

I’ve missed you.

Much to the grandparents dismay I am very behind on my photos with the family.

These are all from Mid-September some time. When we spent our weekends on sidewalks with the sun.

And in patches of pumpkins.

Climbing trees.

And laughing out loud.

Our life is so beautiful and I’m so thankful for it.

Had no idea he was missing out so much by not having this A. Sooner and B. More often.