Today is a very good day. I think it has something to do with the fact that the baby has actually been sleeping for more than 10 minutes at a time today – and its feet aren’t lodged in my diaphragm – so I can breathe.
I CAN BREATHE!
I also think it has something to do with the fact that I had a maternity massage this morning. I love my maternity massages, I get one every month – it’s like Heaven. I get to lie on my belly. HA! They have this special pillow – called the Prego Pillow, and it has all the right padding so I can lie on my stomach, for an hour.
And I CAN BREATHE! And I got to LAY ON MY STOMACH for an HOUR! Well, not the whole hour – but most of it. There is a God.
I’m having such a good day, in fact, that I’m treating myself to a diet Pepsi in the middle of the freakin day. I’m not afraid of caffeine, I just don’t drink pop, at all – unless we’re out and they have dr. pepper at the restaurant. But today; Today is a good day – and I’m drinking pop in the afternoon!
I think most of all though, what I can credit this awesomeness in my attitude to is the fact that I went on an anti depressant about a month ago and we’re finally seeing the constant effect of the medicine. I got to the point of no return. Waking up was torture on a daily basis for me. And trying to get to sleep was anxiety ridden with fear and horror about what was to come tomorrow.
I do know from my past that we took action before it got too bad – being proactive rather than reactive is the smartest way to be when you’re dealing with depression or anxiety.
So here I am, feeling awesome and having a GREAT day. And I definitely owe to my awesome doctors, supportive husband and friends, and to having pop in the afternoon.
I’ve decided to name my pregnancy schizophrenic tendency hormones Spike. Because one moment I’ll be docile and calm, thinking about holding a baby and yeah!, how fun that is – and then a squirrel will run through my backyard and I’ll start thinking about how annoying that is that a squirrel just ran through my serene picture.
Which tail spins into a dozen other things, like how stupid squirrels are … and it goes down from there. It can lead back to calm moments where I’m laughing at myself for the obvious tantrum my mind just played on me … or it can get as bad as calling Aaron balling because I don’t know if I can do this anymore, a damn squirrel is in our backyard and didn’t you know they’re stupid!?
Aaron’s a very busy man – yet he takes my calls, most of the time, and even when I’m ranting about rodents, where ever they reside or I’m crying because my feet are swollen or I just saw a pampers commercial and the baby was smiling – which is cause for uncontrollable tears … he listens to me. He comforts me, he comes home to a wailing pregnant wife and he still tells me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am. And he always makes me feel better.
He calms the Spike inside of me. He lets me cry about the dust bunnies under the coffee table – he lets me laugh about my bodily functions. He rubs my cramped feet and gets me milkshakes at midnight.
He is an example to all husbands out there who have or will have a wife or pregnant wife – it’s men of Aaron’s caliber that make the world go round some days and I’m desperately lucky to call one my own.
He’s going to be one awesome dad and his being a husband and friend gets better everyday. I cannot wait to discover new life with him.
Aaron, I love you.
So I have alot to tell you all, it’s been a while since I’ve written, I’ll blame this on the 4 books I’ve read this past week. I can’t get my nose out this series of books. There are only 5, so bear with me just 2 or 3 more days and I should be back to my normal writing paterns. Maybe.
I’ve been awake off and on since 3:30 this morning. The baby and I, we have this game of eluding the slumber faries. Everynight between 3:30 and 4 I wake up to take my first trip to the bathroom. I usually can fall back to sleep fairly easliy after this first trip – but this morning was an entirely different story.
You see, the baby thinks that because I’m up and moving for 2 minutes I must be awake – and if I’m awake, well then … LETS PLAY, MOM! Yes, I play with the child enutero. We have a fun game called, you kick me then I poke you, and then you kick me and I poke you … and this can go on for hours – the baby loves this game. And when I’m not playing back, with the poking and the nudging and the laughing and talking … yea then the baby kicks harder – and more vigorously. In the ribs and pubic bone … and, well … ouch.
So I’m laying in bed, it’s now almost 4 am and the kicking hasn’t slowed down. By this time Aaron has stirred enough into consciousness to ask me if I’m ok because I’m so restless and I say I can’t sleep – easy for him, he rolls over. So I roll over, I move my pillows – get situated and try to close my eyes, but then – like lightning from heaven I have to pee AGAIN.
I finally went back to sleep sometime around 5:30 or 6 only to wake up at 7 with the kind of energy to make 8 loaves of bread in an hour. I resisted the urge and laid there, trying to will myself into slumber and then the alarm went off and Aaron got up – and well, it’s a lost cause by then.
Nap time is SO my favorite time of the day.
It snowed here yesterday. I love snow. I am SO excited that it snowed.
My favorite part about waking up this morning was waking up to the glistening snow out my bedroom window. I woke up giggling, Aaron will attest to this, because it woke him up too. The sun was out this morning and there was the most peaceful feeling over my home as I sat in my bed and watched the sun come up over the icy branches, sparkling with fresh snow.
It was completely breath taking.
I’ve decided to add Google Adsense to my site, in an effort to make a little extra $$ if it be.
Aaron and I have long since decided that I’m going to be staying home with the baby full time instead of working. We were both fortunate enough to grow up like that and we’ve always felt that if we could, we’d do the same for our kids.
Not to say that some extra money isn’t always nice. We’re just trying to figure out the right balance – and trying to break me into the internet world, as a geek, more than anything. I have another site out there – not developed, right now just as a playground for learning code. But it’s my dream to hopefully make something of it and possibly sell some of my photography in a virtual studio.
I’m not by any means a professional photographer, I just enjoy the art and I think I have an eye for some beautiful things. I mostly take photos of young kids and babies, pregnancies, landscapes and architecture. Old barns are my favorite subject.
So we’ll see where it goes. And for some reason Google Adsense is the beginning of it all.