There’ve been a number of different themes floating around my head/heart lately. Boundaries, Permanence, Patience. They’ve been poking around like those little sucker fish that hitch a ride on larger species, just kind of there. Waiting, often annoying me or nagging me or sucking me dry of my limited resources while other times I can go entire days without knowing they’re still there.
But, it’s the sixth snow-day in a row for my kids and I found myself silently saying “just wait til next week.” I have honed my ability to lower my expectations over the years to a bit of a science of Jodi. I know what it feels like to build, build, build until the only thing left is to watch something fall or, maybe, how it feels to latch on to something someone said (leading) and start to think in absolutes about a situation, event, or idea only to feel completely gutted and like I got the wind knocked out of me when things don’t go the way I had imagined.
When our last school-week ended with a snow-day and the weather looked ominous, I started preparing for the whole week home. I figured if they went back to school at any time, that would be a bonus, but mostly I was just ready to hunker down, go very slow, and shovel a ton of snow. Guess how this week turned out?
Home every day, all day. I yelled more than I wanted to, there was way more screen time than I thought I would allow, but there were still playdates, I cleaned and organized my entire kitchen, I watched some fun shows, we played games and as it started to feel less like the apocalypse we started venturing out of the house. To the store, the library, to see the water.
I stayed off my phone as much as possible, misery loves company and I was trying so hard to not go down there. I’ve had years where snow-days threw everything off and instead of just slowing down and taking it as it came, I fretted over the things I wasn’t able to do or the places I wasn’t able to go. I didn’t know how to recalibrate. I think I’m still learning, but I also didn’t engage in the practice of complaining.
And those little sucker fish; Boundaries, Permanence, and Patience kept pace with me as I slowed down. I wasn’t gracious about it, like I said, I yelled more than I wanted to – but I also apologized more than I used to and took more deep breaths. I don’t want my kids to remember their days home with me as being an inconvenience for me.
I had to cancel plans I had made, I had to reprioritize my days according to my kids’ needs and wants, every night before I went to bed I had to decide if I was going to get up tomorrow and try again, and not disappear, as is also my M.O. There were a few mid-day cocktails. But there was also a lot of laughter. My kids (and I) finally got bored enough to get curious again.
He’s in the same league as Bob Goff, for me. When people lead with their passions as publicly and unapologetically as they seem to, I can’t help but be a fan. I am a serious fan-girl of seeing other people’s fires lit and glowing white hot. And I think I like to believe that people are mostly good and that we’re all working something out and that laughter is often the boat that outlasts the storm.
And I went ahead and ordered David Abram’s, ‘The Spell of Sensuous’, from the library that Patch recommends in his video. As well as checked out a small army of books for garden planning and landscaping ideas, because along with my little suckers of Boundaries, Permanence, and Patience … I’ve grown wildly in my ability to rest in Hope.