Dear Spine, Hips and Tail bone,

Hi. Remember me? I am the mass of muscle and veins that make up the thing you carry around all day. Yeah, I know – I think it’s a bitch lately too – but can we work together here? Sneezing does not give you permission to be a baby about this process and totally freak out and stop supporting this extra weight because I have a news bulletin for you – I cannot do this without you.
Tail bone? You and I need to have a little heart to heart here and I’ll do this in private so Spine and Hips don’t get all Hannah Montana on you – CUT THIS SHIT OUT. I am not kidding. I know February of 2007 was my fault, doing lunges without stretching was sure to make you pop and get angry with me. I have apologized on numerous occasions – and even taken you to the chiropractor more than once to be placed back in line. I thought this fight was over, I thought we had both moved on. We made up – I remember the sex, it was good – you said it was good. Were you lying about the make-up sex? Because if you were, we have a completely new issue to discuss here. I digress, I know – I’m sorry. But seriously. I’m about to get drill sergeant angry on your ass – which is really my ass – and we all don’t want to see that happen. It’s not pretty.
Spine and Hips – let me just say you do an awesome job most of the time. You really do get forgotten in all your day to day work of being my bones and well, you basically rock. However – for the love of everything holy – please, PLEASE hold it together for like 4 or 5 more weeks. PLEASE. I don’t want to waddle around anymore than you want to be waddled around – but I just can’t help it. Feel free to take up your complaints with my Pancreas – she’s on serious probation for starting this shit in the first place. I am so going to fire her secreting little mass of cells if she doesn’t start working the SECOND this kid is born. And you all have my word on that.
So basically bones – I love you. I do. But lets just take a moment to remind ourselves what we’re working towards here – a baby. A very adorable, chubby cheeked little boy who just deserves the best womb home I can give him – and that includes you, bones, so please do your job.
Sincerely and with fond love and appreciation (Tail bone, you’re still on thin ice),

2 thoughts on “Dear Spine, Hips and Tail bone,

  1. thanks for helping to start my day with laughter!! And for the record if you want me to hate the bones I will!

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